“Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.”– Albert Einstein
“All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal or fattening.”– Alexander Woollcott
“War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.”– Ambrose Bierce
“It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.”– Andy Borowitz
“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.”– Andy Rooney
“At every party there are two kinds of people – those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.”– Ann Landers
“Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.”– Anton Chekhov
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